Well, I guess this is happy new year! To be honest, this year doesn’t feel different to me. I don’t really know where I’m going but I don’t mind. At least, that is what I tell myself! It’s okay, there’s no rush, I’ll get better as I go. I’m talking about writing here. I finished editing my second draft of Martin and The Flood and sent it to a friend from my MA who is an editor and another writer friend from my MA to read, and soon I will start work on a third draft when I get their notes. As I went through my work a second time, I was writing down all the things I need to research more, or at least think about more.

Whist I’m doing this, I’m still wondering about what will happen to Alice in Wheelchairland. I sent out another round of agent queries before Christmas, and rejections have been ticking in throughout this month. This doesn’t really bother me because those weren’t the agents I most want to hear from, but the agent I do want a reply from hasn’t responded yet. I know this is all a normal part of the process, and am determined not to wait around for external validation. After a week of wondering what I was doing with my life, I bought a new notebook to begin writing down ideas for a new book. I don’t know what it will look like yet, but I know I want it to be about fear and anxiety.

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I have been very excited to discover that I can crack an egg with one hand! It seems like a no brainer, seeing as I can only use one hand anyway, but I guess I never really tried. I think I just assumed that I wouldn’t be able to do it because I’m not a professional chef, but it turns out I am pretty professional now at using one hand. Yes, at the moment I still get yolk on my hand, but independence is the main thing, not perfection. And practice doesn’t make perfect, it makes better.

This is true for lots of skills when it comes to being disabled. Lots of things seem daunting and like they have a high chance of failure, but practice makes better. Of course, if you literally can’t physically do something, I’m a big advocate for finding an aid to help you do it independently. We all have to learn to listen to that logical inner voice that tells us to try, or think our way around the problem. We need to trust ourselves that we can creatively problem solve.

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So for now I’m trusting the process. It’s okay if I get yolk on my hands. It’s okay if my publishing journey isn’t smooth sailing. It’s okay if progress takes time. I will trust in my ability to keep being creative, to problem solve, to adapt. I don’t want to set any expectations on this year, except that I hope that I keep being creative, keep thinking my way around problems and keep challenging myself. You can’t make an omelette without cracking a few eggs!
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(Featured Image is of Howl cracking eggs in the film Howl’s Moving Castle (2004) directed by Hayao Miyazaki)