I’m on a train again from Guildford back to London, where I had lunch with my sister and some of her friends for her birthday. When I went to catch the train home, the station was closed due to a police incident in the station, involving a mysterious package. I’m very lucky in this case that the station reopened after about five minutes of my waiting, amongst a big crowd of people. Because I need an assistant to get on the train, I had a calm reason to then speak to the staff. I’ve been put on a slow train to London, but I’m in no hurry.

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I viewed my new flat yesterday. It’s meant to be a wheelchair accessible council flat. They say this, but there are lots of little things that make no sense. Overall though I think once I’m settled it will be great! I’m not very interested in the area, but I guess this is my chance to make something of myself in London, so I have to take it.

I feel humbled by the view, and by the irony of what I joked about actually happening. In the summer, I wrote a blog post about how I’d only use a lift if the flat had a view of the Thames. Well, I do have to use a lift but I can see the Thames from the window.

I am a bit concerned about what I’d do in a fire. The building has two lifts, but one has isolated electrics so that it can be used in an emergency. However, I’ve been told this lift has to be operated by the fire brigade. It was the council’s call to make all these accessible flats, so if I burn to death, it is on them.

Also, none of the bins are wheelchair accessible, and the council doesn’t have an accessible plan in place. I’m sure we’ll work something out, but it just goes to illustrate the fact that it is social barriers that make me more disabled. I have physical impairments, but it’s up to the system to allow me to use it or not.

I’ve realised all this is an invitation for me to be anxious and bitter. I think about this a lot, how I think the goal in life is to age without being influenced by anxiety and bitterness. I asked, and this flat was designed not by a wheelchair user, but by someone who has worked with them a lot. I eyeroll at this but tell myself to rise about it, let it go.

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It’s no wonder I ‘what if’ about a world where wheelchair users are the norm. Even if our world was made fully accessible, e.g. the entrance had steps and a ramp, a wheelchair user still has to go through the internal admin of scanning the entrance to see where they can enter. If there is only a ramp, a wheelchair user has none of the mental load of working out how they get in (get assistance etc).

I went to see Wicked: Part One (2025) with my friend last week and I was interested to see how they had imagined the fantasy world for a wheelchair user. It didn’t look that accessible to me, particularly the train, but whatever. I can imagine better.

Not that I’ve had much mental space this week to write, as I’ve been rushing to get things ready to move flat on Saturday, when my dad is coming down to help me. Hopefully I’ll be able to work next week!

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(Featured Image is a painting of the sky by Norman Long, 2019)