I’m in a barbers waiting for a haircut. Imagine the sound of clippers buzzing and scissors snipping. I remind myself to order the haircut like I truly want it. I cut my hair short 5 years ago but I’ve only just started working out how to ask for what I actually want. I guess the very male atmosphere in a barbershop intimidates me, but I’ve found one I like and got used to it. Long hair was fun, but I can’t tie it up, so no going back. I’ve done this enough to not be phased anymore.

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I’m getting myself ready to properly write my new book. I’ve finally worked out that the agent James Catchpole is like my mentor, and probably wouldn’t be a good fit as my actual agent, which I’m fine with. I need an industry friend to ask my questions to anyway. We’ve talked about my writing and he believes in the idea of Becoming Sweetwood, but it’s a hard sell for a new author and will need a lot of work, so it would probably be best to write something else first and come back to it. I told him about my idea for Alice in Wheelchairland and he told me in very strong terms to write that book. So I guess now I will!

I think I really just want to get my foot in the door of the industry, and that means being very flexible with how the story is handled. To start I will just write what I want, but if the project gets taken on, I’ll be happy to change and cut things. I’ve kind of made the division in my head between being a creative person who makes art and expresses themself on one hand, and being a creative person who can turn their skills into making a product for a market on the other. That sounds horribly commercial, but I think we have to be honest with ourselves about the capitalist world we live in, and the need to collaborate. I want to do what I want, but I also want other people to want to work with me. Nobody wants to work with a diva artist who can’t see past themselves. The world doesn’t need me; I just want to be a part of it?

This acceptance of how things are has really helped me to look at my potential career with clear eyes. If you know where the walls are you can bounce off them easier (I just made up that metaphor, does it work?). I’m very much okay with this swerve into writing a different novel, with the thought that Becoming Sweetwood is on the shelf, ready to be pulled out again in the future when I’m more experienced.

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I’ve also been allocated a new flat! I haven’t viewed it yet but it has my name on it. It is near the Thames and will be high up, so here’s hoping for a good view(!) I got the news just after I got back from a family weekend on holiday in Snowdonia, and it was very unexpected. It seems like lots of things are suddenly happening, so I’ll just try and roll with them!

I’ve finished my haircut, it went very well, and I’ve gone into the library to work. It’s raining outside but I’m safe indoors. I’m reading a teen romance where the protagonist is a girl who uses a wheelchair. It’s set in the real world in the USA and is by an author with lived experience. I’m enjoying it, but to be honest, regardless of the representation, I find the worries about accessibility and feelings draining. I fully think this kind of book is necessary and important, but I cannot see myself ever writing something so… Not weird.

And so I find myself thinking about choices, changes, cuts, and writing about Wheelchairland. I don’t know what happens in the end, but now is the time to begin!
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(Featured Image is from the Cartoon Network miniseries Over The Garden Wall, 2014, where the premise is ‘into the unknown‘)