After going to two weddings and a family holiday in Cornwall, I’m back in London, working on editing Becoming Sweetwood again. I haven’t progressed with finding a job in publishing yet, but I don’t think the right thing has come up for me, which just gives me more time to work on my own writing. Editing a whole novel takes a lot of time, because I’m still thinking about the best ways to communicate what I want to say, and going through what I’ve written. Whilst the agent James Catchpole still can’t be certain at this stage about whether he will represent my work, not wanting to over commit, he’s happy to help me polish it up and has given me some editorial advice for the beginning that I keep in mind as I do the rest. Summer is a good time to do work, as sunshine makes me (and the whole world) happy, so unless something comes up, I’ll keep editing. I kept hearing lines in my head from Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone when it talks about the “half life, a cursed life” that Voldemort lives by drinking unicorn blood, as I edited words about a girl being half a tree this week. I am not quoting Harry Potter in the book, don’t worry.

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I recently had a visit from an occupational therapist from the council, to write a report about what I need for housing recommendations. The flat I live in now is temporary accommodation, so sooner or later I will be given permanent accommodation. I’m excited about this because it’s guaranteed to be more towards the centre of London. How much more, I can’t say. I really hope it is ground floor because I don’t trust a lift. The only way I would okay with one is if the flat has a view of the Thames, which is not going to happen.

I have definitely become a London person; at least whilst my book is not a done deal I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. And even then and despite the fact that I don’t trust lifts, I enjoy public transport. Will I ever want to give that up? I’m glad I’ve lived in this random part of South London, because I have experienced what life is like for a lot of people, and find the place a really interesting setting. My cousin visited me last week with his four year old daughter, and nothing quite summed up the area like our long walk to a very basic playground. But I enjoy being surprised and look forward to change.

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I think it is the freedom here for me. I know that London is an acquired taste for many. Growing up, I never even considered moving to London, and only came reluctantly for my MA. I spent my first few months wanting to leave. But now, plot twist, here I am. I may be mistrustful of the buses, tubes, trains, but they are a necessary risk. I can’t and won’t be able to drive, so I love being able to go where I want to go. People don’t often expect wheelchair-users to travel, and so, despite myself, I enjoy being part of their surprise. I am aware wheelchairs are associated with sickness and infirmity and provoke a lot of strong emotions. A child once asked me how I sleep with a broken leg. I was able to explain that I was not ill or in pain, and love going where I want to go. There are many reasons someone might use a wheelchair and never a single narrative about how someone might feel about using one. I am just one voice among many who do.

I think of the idea of “half life” again. What does it really mean to live a half life? Which half? Is a different life perceived as lesser because of it’s difference? And how much is that life worth? And how much freedom do we assign it? All the big questions as I edit my book. The book does not exist to give answers, merely raise more questions. As every child knows, questions are easier than answers.




(Featured Image is ‘unicorn forest’ by drachenmagier, 2021)